Friday, 26 August 2011

These Gods must be crazy?

Every ancient civilization from the dawn of time or whenever their digital watch alarm went off has had their own set of gods and deities. From a praying for your land to be fertile to praying for your wife to be fertile and then praying for your daughter to be less fertile people have looked towards the heavens and offered sacrifices to try and convince the gods to smile upon them a grant their wishes.
These days in our culture survival is fairly easy but we still would like a few more things to go our way. I'm suggesting there may be a new set of hipper more modern deities we can make offerings too and yes, you might just get your dreams fulfilled tubby!

Populoso - God of Social networking - Leave a full size Mars bar at his altar and this deity may give you many Twitter or Facebook followers, your self esteem will soar like Icarus.

Sweatus Shoppinia - Goddess of Bargain Garments - Imagine you have the power to foresee all within the Target catalogue, pray to her and your discount clothes bounty will flow like wine.

Saint Rhodetrippe - Patron Saint  of Traffic and Travel - Keep a effigy of this guy on your dashboard, you might get longer greens at traffic lights, Volvos may mysteriously move out of your lane and public toilets become more apparent and cleaner.

Hiyass-core - Spirit of the Hunt - Can't complete a level, destroy a demon or vanquish a ghost on your choice of computer game? Burn two novels, anything Bronte or Stephen King is suggested, in the pyre for this deity and you could find yourself master of your Dungeons and Dragons club chapter in no time ( I used this one myself )

In a society where we have so much, it seems natural to get just a little bit more, after all you deserve it , you've managed to read all this without sending a text, go spoil yourself.  

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Saving Keystrokes - the new way to a less ''tappy'' you.

Isn't it funny (or I.I.F)  that over the past 10 years or so abbreviations and acronyms have permeated our culture so much that you can virtually just type a series of capital letters into Facebook or Twitter and have the person you're addressing understand what you're saying perfectly well. And isn't it amusing that sometimes your parents pickup on this trend and start using them also. And isn't it not funny or amusing in any way when grandparents do it!
We all know the easy ones like L.O.L - laughing out loudly and A.S.B.O - anti social behaviour disorder but new ones are constantly being invented and evolving. Here's a crash course on some of the most rad and fly new A'n'As.

I.K.R - I know right?! - meaning far out or that was most unexpected.
W.O.O.T- Will one only try? - Emphatically asking to give it a go or lets try together.
I.D.E.K -  I don't even know - I'm at my wits end and all seems hopeless.
J.P.E.G - Junior photographers explorers gang - Founded early 1995, closed late 1995.
NABISCO - National Australia Bank is cool - Kids banking website with games.
D.V.D - Digital versatile disk - It slices, it dices, it holds digital video.
A.T.M.M - Automated teller machine machine, often wrongly shortened to ATM.
I.K.S.A.S.A.T - I know stuff about stuff and that - I'm in control of the situation.
K.I.R.B - Keeping it real bro - I've been working solidly, KIRS(ista) is in the feminine.
A.I.N.E.C - And it's not even close - You've tried and failed.

Hope this helps otherwise T.A.S.E.W.R.Y.C.T  or ''There are some excellent website resources you can try''.

Friday, 12 August 2011

It's a dog's life ( So stop whingeing Fido! )

For a long time now pets have been used for helping people in need we've all seen the great work organisations like The Royal Guide Dogs ,Pets as Therapy and The Flintstones have done training animals but let's think for a minute, there's loads of other ways maybe pets could be utilised and it might help with fundraising?
Let's explore.

Car Key Sniffing Cat - A cat's sense of smell is fourteen times as sensitive as humans that gives them at least an even money chance of finding where the car keys have been put. Tip: most likely into the fridge with the milk.

Watering Can-ine - What? It's not what you think! Dogs can be trained to carry water around to all your low lying shrubberies. There's a good waterboy!

Dial-a-Dragon - Vicious trained Bearded Attack Dragons can now be hired to protect your precious belongings while you're out. Lizards have loads of dangerous bacteria in their mouths and one bite could result in a nasty infection in 1 in 50 cases but it's just really just upsetting to be owned by a lizard when you're a hardened criminal.

Turkey Surprise - Christmas is coming and with Masterchef gourmet food is more popular than ever also the Central Americans have long known of the delicious taste of the Axolotl, so let's combine these two excellent concepts into a spectacular holiday roast. Purchase three small plump axolotls and feed on meaty scraps till they've grown ready to burst with salamandery goodness, then prepare with roast vegies and onion gravy to finish. Mmm tastes like water chicken. 

Let's get pets to give back to the community so we don't have too.